Sorry for the delay guys, I'm out of the country and doing the best I can
Here are the results for sports
Kournikova makes us all hate Enrique Iglesias even more Anna K by 12
The best comment so far... Every body wants to put there Semen in her Ovich Anna S by 3
Blonde beats brunette as Ana M takes it by 8
The Erin Andrews video is obviously working Erin by 14
Guys like a girl who can handle a pole Allison by 10
Double your pleasure is far more than FSU girl can handle Twins by 10
Sharipova proves she's still our #1 Maria by 12
Playboy doesn't make everybody a star... Victoria by 3
Now the last of the first rounds begins... get your votes in by monday boys.
After 3 rounds of gorgeous women, we have to say that we absolutely saved the best for last. Whatever your opinions are of our tv, movie and sports pics (and you’ve been very vocal) we think it’s safe to say that the Model Bracket is our masterpiece. This one wasn’t easy due to the wide range of models out there. You have magazine models, commercial models, former models that are acting now and porn models. We have scoured the internet to find what we think are the hottest models in the business today. We excluded porn models for some reason…not really sure why, but we did so deal with it. The rankings were difficult so we took the top 8, in our opinion, and then took the most famous or recognizable of the rest and ranked them accordingly. Now obviously Abby Clancy may have a difficult time against Marisa Miller, but you never know what people might be thinking and an upset could take place. You will notice that we have sisters in there (see Krupa’s). We looked for pictures of the mom since she must be something special, but to no avail. You will also notice that Gisele Bundchen is not in the bracket. There is a reason for this. She married Tom Brady and he’s a tool. That makes her a tool. That leaves her out of the Model Bracket. Enjoy.
1. Marisa Miller vs 16. Abbey Clancy
Anybody here remember the California Girls video with David Lee Roth back in the day? We sure do. Not just because we are old, but because MTV actually played videos back then. We are sure that if Marissa Miller would have been of age then she would have DONE two things. Starred in the video and humped David Lee Roth. This California Girl has got the golden locks and bronze skin that gives our pants a bit of a Surfs Up feel. Sports Illustrated, Victoria’s Secret, our wet dreams, this girl is everywhere except our bedroom. Abby Clancy is probably not as recognizable as Marissa, but we wouldn’t kick her out of bed for squeezing our balls too hard. From across the pond in merry old England, Abbey was a runner up in the 2nd season of Britain’s Next Top Model. She had a bit of a booger sugar problem, but also had a nip slip a while back so we felt they canceled each other out and was good enough for the 16th see in our bracket.
2. Adriana Lima vs 15. Doutzen Kroes
When Adriana Lima was first starting out in modeling she was sent home by a photographer during a shoot because she looked too young. We say that a rap like that guarantees her a spot in our bracket. A Victoria’s Secret staple since 2000, Adriana looks as if she couldn’t possibly be real. Exotic looks, amazing body, wears lingerie for a living, what more could we ask for. Unfortunately before we could get our hands on her, some scrub Serbian basketball player married her and immediately knocked her up. Guess we couldn’t blame him, we’d probably do the same, but in less time. Doutzen Kroes has the weirdest name we’ve ever heard. It sounds like a Nazi death camp. Of course if Doutzen was at a Nazi camp, we’d be spinning our dreidel’s and singing Shalom till the fiddler falls off the roof just to get in. Oy Vay, this shiksa is hot! She’s Dutch which means she probably thinks wooden shoes are comfortable, but we won’t hold that against her. She was named Vogue model of the year in 2005 and is a Victoria’s Secret Angel. She’s only 24 and has already received a lifetime achievement award. How is that possible? I guess when you’re that hot, you can get almost anything.
3. Bar Rafaeli vs 14. Misa Campo
Speaking of Jews, Bar Rafeli is next at #3. We really considered keeping her off this list for dating that tree hugging hippie, Leonardo Dicrapio, but we felt that it would be yet another travesty to the Jewish people if we held that against her. Bar is a sexpot and shares her first name with a place that we all love to frequent. She’s been pimping herself out pretty good lately, like having her picture painted on the side of a Boeing 747. Question, if you jerk off in a plane that looks like Bar, does that count as joining the Mile High Club? Just asking, since we obviously have not done it….yet. Misa Campo makes Miso Horny. This little Canadian cutie isn’t your typical model. She does the “dirty” stuff. Car shows, Maxim spreads, and dancing go-go at hip hop events. She’s got a smoking little body and a can give a guy a look that might actually cause him to jizz in his pants on the spot. Normally it’s tough to go up against a top model, but this former bartender seems more than capable of handling herself.
4. Alessandra Ambrosio vs 13. Marta Krupa
Alessandra Ambrosio. Sounds nice doesn’t it? With a name like that you have to be sexy and Alessandra has that covered and then some. Yet another Victoria’s Secret model, we’re starting to see a trend here, Alessandra is a bona fide sexual goddess. She’s exotic, she’s got nice boobs, she’s got long legs and that smile could melt butter. Like every other girl on this list, she’s way too good for us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t imagine making babies with her. Marta Krupa is the younger sister of Joanna Krupa (stay tuned). She’s Polish, but grew up in Chicago. Chicago is famous for its sausage and she’s Polish. Maybe we should call her our little Polish Sausage. Nah, that sounds gross. Anyway, we’d all like to stick our sausage in her. She’s hot and she’s got a hot sister. Hopefully she will make a bigger name for herself down the road and get out from underneath sister’s shadow. Sleeping with us is a nice start. ;)
5. Miranda Kerr vs 12. Kelly Brook
Miranda Kerr or as we like to call her “Dimples” is so damn cute, you just want to put her in your pocket. Her smoking little body has been working it on the runway for years now and we just can’t get enough of her. Another reason to love her is that she sunbathes topless and she’s in a lesbian relationship with Orlando Bloom. Sweet! We believe she has become a Buddhist, but like most non Christian religions, we feel it’s probably just a fad. So here’s to her flaunting her stuff and finding Jesus! Amen.
A former Page 3 girl, Kelly Brook is the busty Brit that not only has men forgetting their name, but is also pretty popular with the British ladies. A poll of over 5000 women voted that Kelly had the best British body. Kelly has modeled swimwear and sportswear, but it’s her bra modeling that has really set her apart. A 50 foot billboard, the largest ever, was erected showing Kelly’s two talents. We’ll guess that traffic accidents rapidly increased during in the vicinity of that billboard. Kelly is starting to branch out into tv and movies and like most women in this bracket, we’re hoping for some porn.
6. Karolina Kurkova vs 11. Petra Nemcova
Is it just us or does the name Karolina Kurkova just sound like a supermodel? That’s like naming your daughter Candy and not expecting her to be a stripper. In 2008 she was named World’s Sexiest Woman by E! Television, beating out many of the woman that have been featured in this entire contest. Not too shabby considering the tail we’ve been looking at over the past week or so. Karolina is one of the most in demand models in the world even if she doesn’t have a navel. That’s right, she doesn’t have a navel! Not sure what that means or how it affects her, but we thought it was an interesting fact. Hopefully we don’t have too many Pro-Navel voters here and that affects her voting. In December of 2004 Supermodel Petra Nemcova and her fiancée decided it would be fun to vacation in Thailand. Bad idea. That’s when God decided to cleanse the Earth and sent a tsunami right for the shores of Thailand. Petra survived by holding onto a palm tree for 8 hours. Her fiancée washed up on shore about 3 months later, so bad news for him, but good news for us that she’s still on the market. Petra, like Karolina, is one of those Czech Republic hotties that’s really making us think we need to make a trip over there. I’m sure women like her are just waiting for unhealthy, vulgar Americans to come over and sweep them off their chodidla (feet in Czech).
7. Joanna Krupa vs 10. Tori Praver
Joanna Krupa is the second half of the Krupa sisters and probably claims a bit more fame that her sister Marta. We’ll move past the polish jokes for the sake of not wanting to replicate ourselves and because Joanna deserves our undivided attention. She doesn’t take any crap as Terrell Owens found out on the tv show Superstars and her Playboy spread is one of the best ever. Joanna doesn’t seem like you typical model. We would like to believe that she would be just as happy sitting on the couch, watching the game and smelling our farts. Maybe every now and then she would grab us a beer. Good times. Tori Praver is another all American girl that has made her mark gracing the pages of the SI Swimsuit issue. We’re finding that as we are getting older, it’s getting harder and harder to jerk off to SI, but having Tori in there definitely helps out our cause. Born in Maui, Tori has become a quite the canvas as she is widely used in body painting pictorials. We like the body painting and wish more women would wear that instead of those concealing bikinis. At least the good looking girls. Not those fat chicks.
8. Keeley Hazell vs 9. Brooklyn Decker
In 1776 the United States of America declared its independence from Great Britain. After looking at British bombshell Keeley Hazell, we think we might reconsider that. We are going to admit that we LOVE us some Keeley. She’s got the pretty face, the gigantic, all natural jugs and that oh so sexy British accent. We watched her sex tape and weren’t that impressed with her oral skills. However, when you look this good, we could make an exception if she wanted to go down on us. Keeley loves showing off her goods and we couldn’t be more pleased. Brooklyn Decker first caught our eye on the pages of the SI Swimsuit Issue. She also caught the eye of tennis player Andy Roddick in the same issue. The difference between him and us, is that he called her and asked her out and now they are married. We called her repeatedly and were served with a restraining order. Apparently you have to be a famous tennis choke artist in order to date a model. Oh well, we’ll forgive Brooklyn as long as she keeps looking hot. With that gorgeous face and amazing body, we can forgive a lot of things.
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