Babe Bracket 09 Final 4

Don’t fret lads, we didn’t forget about the Babe Bracket even though some of you might have. The bracket is back and we are bringing you the Final Four matchups. Only two of these lucky ladies will advance to the championship and therefore be considered Supreme Hottie.

You got a week for voting. we will tally next wed. No stragglers this time. Now lets talk some chicks...

Our first matchup

2. Julianne Hough vs 5. Allison Stokke

The dancing queen did the Macarena all over her competition blowing out the hot chick from Entourage by more votes that we didn’t waste time to count. It wasn’t even close which was somewhat surprising considering how much love Emmanuelle Chirqui was getting from you guys. Of course most of you guys probably heard that Julianne dumped her douche bag boyfriend Chuck Wicks, so maybe that played into your voting that you thought you might have a chance with her. We think you do, so why don’t you sneak into her house and take some naked pictures of her. That will show her how much you love her. Forward us the pics right away before you get arrested and ass raped by someone in the clink.

As hot as Julianne is, she may not be as hot as Track Girl, Allison Stokke. We didn’t think that Track Girl had what it took to make it all the way to the Final Four, but like our football picks this year, we were dead wrong. Stokke barely got by the twins and that should have the Hough-meister shaking in her tap shoes. It isn’t very often that twins get beat……unless they BOTH screw up dinner!! Am I right!? Am I right!? Ahhhh nothing like a little female abuse humor to lighten up the bracket. Anyway, Hough vs Stokke should make for a nice matchup. They are both young, very hot and have more skills than all the babe bracket voters combined.

Our second matchup

1. Marisa Miller vs 3. Kate Beckinsdale

Marisa Miller out cat-walked over the lovely Joanna Krupa by 6 votes. That’s a wider margin than we had anticipated, but after googling more pics of Marisa we can’t really argue with the results. When you look at Marisa you just wonder why she’s not tied up in your basement. It probably wouldn’t be too hard. Just knock her out with some chloroform and then make a fake phone call to her agent that she’s decided to skip town to do some humanitarian work in Zimbabwe and doesn’t want to be bothered. Tell them you are a part of Obama’s staff. Apparently you don’t get questioned by anyone if you work for Obama. So where were we, oh yeah, Marisa has held on to her #1 seed and looks like her biggest challenge may come from the sexy Brit that gets our knickers in a bunch, Kate Beckinsdale.

The lovely Kate Beckinsdale proved that you don’t have to be some whore in order to move on in our bracket. Sorry Megan Fox, but you do look and act like a whore. Kate has got the class to go along with that fine ass and is ready for a battle that’s got more at stake than the American Revolution. This one decides who moves on in our babe bracket. We can’t think of anything more important. So lay down your votes and let us know who you want to move on.

Babe Bracket 09 Elite 8

Yeah, I know...we are slacking... it would really help if I didn't get thrown all over the world lately, but ohWell we are back and ready to move on to the Excellent Eight. The votes are in and some were close and some weren’t even close. One thing we figured out about you horn dogs is that you are committed, even though your wives or girlfriends may think otherwise. We’ve noticed some trends here. Some of you like blondes and some of you like brunettes. We may have to throw some read heads in the next years’ bracket to mix it up a bit. Well here are the results from the Oh Sweet Sixteen.

Emanuelle wins easily beating her bush by 10.

Hough sneaks out a win against summer by 1

STokke takes out Mighty Anna by 1

The Twins wriggle their way out of Maria's long legs. Bia and Branca by 4.

Becks shows scarlett blondes do not have more fun. Kate by 6

Miller time dominates Kerr by 10

Krupa edges out Petra by 2.

Put in your votes. I feel bad giving you all a deadline, but try and get them by next friday. I should be back in the right timezone after that.

1. Megan Fox vs 3. Kate Beckinsdale

Nothing like a little bit trashy versus a little bit classy in this matchup. Our Movie Mavens are now facing off to see who has the right to “movie” on to the Final Four. We aren’t exactly sure how this voting will go. Is it the girl you’d most rather bang? Is it the girl that is the most talented? It is both? All we can say is that whoever wins, the entire movie industry and the Babe Bracket is a guaranteed winner.

2. Jullianne Hough vs 3. Emmanuelle Chirqui

The Dancing starlet is taking on the best eye candy to ever hit HBO. Hough has got the stuff to move on, but Chirqui is planning on bringing her entourage of sexiness to see who represents TV Land. We are predicting that this one will be based on hair color. Why women think we’re shallow, we have no idea. So here is the question, do we have more blonde lovers out there or do our voters love the brunettes?

5. Allison Stokke vs 6. Fares Twins

Not since Liberace admitted to the world that he was gay has there been a more evident conclusion. Men are horny for twins. But not those abominations from Hell, Siamese twins. Those things are just disturbing. We’re talking smoking hot sisters here. The Fares sisters have moved on in the sports bracket (shocker) and now they face off against Track Girl. Oh, Track Girl. Why won’t you friend us on Facebook? We promise to stop the letters and picture taking. Track girl is ready to vault her competition into the Final Four, but the Fares Twins are planning on getting double the pleasure and double the votes.

1. Marissa Miller vs 7. Joanna Krupa

Seriously, can’t we just take the DNA of these two women and just create a Super Model. We’re talking wearing bras on our heads creation here. You’ve got the blonde hair, tanned skin of Miller and the curves and exotic looks of Krupa. Is Poland really exotic? Oh well, she’s looks sort of exotic. Why do we have to choose!? Why oh why must we pick just one!? Now our idea of combining their DNA doesn’t sound so silly, does it?

Babe Bracket 09 Sweet 16

Sorry for the slight delay.. work has been vicious, and so has the swine flu, but we've come so far... the women wouldn't like it if we ended prematurely... at least that's what women keep telling me. I'm sending this out late so everyone can start their day out right.

The second half of round 2 went as follows... voting was tighter than most of these girls have been in a long while...

The Foxy one barely edges out the latina baby mamma... Megan by 1

The sultry Biel takes out the girl next door Brewster, Jessica by 6

The pouty lips of Scarlett out pouts Bilson, but just barely. ScarJo by 1

Marissa was able to climb the mountains of a challenge that is Keeley. Miller time by 3

Miranda Kerr takes down baby Krupa. Kerr by 5

Elder Krupa keeps the family name alive, taking down Lima. Joanna by 3

Petra sends Bar running back to Leo. Nemcova by 5

The Sweet 16 has never looked sweeter than this. Here are the top 8 Babes from each category. We must say that we are quite pleased with the voting and feel that we are working our way to quite a Final Four Matchup. So let’s get those votes in and see who moves on to the Babe 8. Votes need to be in by next thursday btw.

TV Region

4. Emmanuelle Chirqui vs 8.Sophia Bush

Emmanuelle has deposed of her competition and now it’s time for a little Bush. And we ‘aint talking about W.... or even Jenna for that matter. This should be an interesting matchup with the exotic looks of Chirqui and the smokey voiced babe, Sophia Bush. Both ladies have had little trouble advancing through the bracket, but now they have to face each other to see who takes on the winner of Hough/Glau. In our opinion both these ladies are winners since they both star in shows with major douche bags. (see Kevin Connolly and Chad Michael Murray)

2. Julianne Hough vs 11. Summer Glau

Julianne is making a strong case that she should have been the #1 seed for TV Babes. She has been the most convincing winner throughout this bracket, but an upset may be lurking around the corner. Summer Glau isn’t scared to take on the Dancing Queen and even though we’ve seen the last of the summer months, she swears we haven’t seen the last of Summer. (Damn, we are some creative writers aren’t we!?)

Sports Region

1. Anna Kournikova vs 5. Allison Stokke

Too be perfectly honest we weren’t surprised that Anna has made it this far. We even discussed just giving her a bye straight to this round because we really didn’t think it would be close. It wasn’t. Of course the further you get in the bracket, the tougher the competition. Enter Track Girl, Allison Stokke. We’re thinking that she’s got an idea where to stick that pole and it’s headed straight for Anna’s culo. Of course the line is long to stick something up Anna’s culo. So here’s to Anna’s culo and Track Girl being the hot teenager that she is. Game on!

6. Bia and Branca Fares vs 7. Maria Sharapova

Well, well. It appears our voters love them some twins. Wow that’s a shock! Of course the twins are up against another set of twins, the long legs of Maria Sharapova. So it’s up to our voters to use their imagination a bit. What would you rather have, two smoking, blonde twins hanging on your shoulders or 2 long, tanned legs draped over your shoulders? Decisions, decisions. Tell you what, go drink a beer, watch a bit of porn and come back to us. These types of decisions need to be taken very seriously.

Movie Region

1. Megan fox vs 4. Jessica Biel

Lately Megan has been getting some bad publicity that she’s not a good actress. That’s she’s an ungrateful biatch. That she’s still dating Brian Austin Green. Well, we are here to say that all that doesn’t matter cause she still looks good. And isn’t a person judged solely on their looks anyway? Well, here they sure as hell are. Speaking of looks, apparently you guys are really taking those pictures seriously. Even though Jordana Brewster has got it going, she was no match for the sultry pictures of the lovely Jessica Biel. Anytime a chick takes a picture topless with only a couple of fingers hiding the nippage, that sends shockwaves through our loins. It must be the old “it’s what you don’t see” that really gets us going. Well Biel get’s us going and it’s up to you to get her going past the lovely, “talented” Ms. Fox.

2. Scarlett Jo vs 3. Kate Beckinsale

Even though we got some flack for our candidates, we feel that anytime you have the 1-4 seeds making it this far, you’ve done something right. So here we go. Scarlett vs Kate. We were sad to see Bilson go, but what Scarlett wants, Scarlett gets. Now Scarlett wants Becks (not stupid David Beckham, the real Becks). Kate Beckinsale does it all with class and she’s got a nice @ss to go with that class. (now that’s just good writing folks!) These two may be the best actresses of the entire bunch, but we figure it’s not their acting that will advance them.

Model Region

1. Marissa Miller vs 5. Miranda Kerr

Oh boy! Oh boy! Marissa vs Miranda. We’ve got to be honest, we were really hoping this one would happen and here it is. We are very excited!!! Marissa has got the curves of a Greek statue. Miranda may not be as curvy, but she’s got a body and the cute little face that can do some major damage to the California Girl. This is going to be a good old fashioned Catwalk Catfight! Ladies, extend your claws!

7. Joanna Krupa vs 11. Petra Nemcova

Joanna squeezed past Lima by a few votes and now has her eyes set on Tsunami and Babe Bracket survivor Nemcova. You’ve got to be a hot supermodel to be an 11 seed and move all the way up to the Sweet 16. Maybe we seeded that wrong? Maybe our seeds suck? Hmmmmm….all this talk of seed and models. Somebody turn on the air please. Krupa is a little ticked her sister didn’t make the cut so she may be looking for vengeance to try and face Kerr in the Elite 8. Nemcova extinguished Bar quicker than Hitler extinguished 6 million of Bar’s Jew friends back in the early 40’s. Will Nemcova do the same to Krupa or will Krupa go all Polish on her and ram a sausage up her butt. Oops, gotta go. Lunchtime. Cheers.

Movies and Model Regions Round 2

Were back and we've brought some tasty M&Ms... Movie and Model babes... but first, the results from the first half of round 2. The voting was extremely close....

TV

It turns out People are Wild about Bush. The eight seed upsets the number one seed and offers her a sammich and a lesbian kiss for a consolation. prize. Sophia by 3.

The Hough-ster takes down the youngster, so we will have to say good bye to Minka's Pom Poms. That makes my penis sad. Julianna by 6.

In another shocking upset, the Greek Goddess gets terminated. in proper nerd fashion... Glau FTW. Summer by 1.

Hayden may be invincible on Heroes, but Emmanuelle's entourage pulled through. In a nailbiter... Chirqui by 1.

Sports

The blonde former tennis player turned model beats the brunette former tennis player turned model. Anna by 9

In the battle of "I wish I could be part of this threesome" the twins manage to squeeze out a victory. Bia and Branca by 1

I'm pretty sure that if you guys saw the Erin Andrews video, you'd vote the other way...Another upset as the pole handler beats out the peephole dancer. Allison by 1.

the Russian tennis girl next door gets the nod over the Russian skating sexpot. Sharapova by 5

Alright, back to the business at hand. Get your votes in by next wed. That should be enough time for all of you to get your college fb picks in AND setup your fantasy teams, and do round 2... and in E's case get married, but you must have your priorities.

So we are going to start this one out with a little apology. We thought we would pull a Maxim and sort of introduce a few of the newer girls that have maybe flown under the radar a bit. Obviously our movie bracket, since it was first, took a bit of flack for leaving out some very talented young ladies that might have made better competition. However, we felt we learned from our mistakes and finished very strong with the model bracket since we didn’t hear as much whining and complaining. Of course it’s difficult to whine and complain about hot models no matter who they are or what they are wearing. So here we go. We made it through Round 2 of the Sports and TV brackets and now it’s Round 2 for Movies and Models. So without further adieu…….

1. Megan Fox vs 8. Jessica Alba

Fox rolled through her first round opponent like John Mayer rolls the showers of the Harlem Boys’ Choir. Fast and hard. It wasn’t even close, so let’s hope her Round 2 opponent, The Alba, can put up some better competition. Jessica fared well against Eva Mendes in the Battle of the Barrio and now has her eyes set on a little Fox hunting. Hopefully they will decide fighting is not the answer and kiss and make up……while naked……covered in baby oil…….next to a waterfall……with a midget fanning them with a giant feather.

2. Scarlett Johansson vs 10. Rachel Bilson

Scarlett got some major comp from the new girl Lucas, but we figured her very valuable and voluptuous assets pushed her over the edge. She’s taking on the girl from Jumper in Rachel Bilson who walloped a “why is she in here” Emmy Rossum. The creators of the bracket have very much love for Bilson, so there was probably a subconscious matchup that heavily favored hottie Bilson. However, she’s got her hands full, literally, with ScarJo so here’s to a great matchup. But first let’s see a hug ladies!!

3. Kate Beckinsale vs 11. Amanda Bynes

Kate proves her top seeding worth and demolishes Jordan Ladd by 22 votes. Either everyone loves Kate (absolute possibility) or Jordan Ladd was way overrated in our book. Oh well, Kate moves on and takes on the upset minded Amanda Bynes. Bynes actually told us that Kate was one of the worst actresses she’d ever seen (ie Pearl Harbor). Kate fired back (with a very sexy British accent) that Amanda better be ready eat her spotted dick*. We say bring it on ladies and settle this little cat fight in the bracket.

*reference note: Spotted Dick is some sort of British dessert that is a type of pudding and not the infection that Bob had last spring that required a week stay in the hospital.

4. Jessica Biel vs 5. Jordana Brewster

This is a tough 4 vs 5 matchup. Both sexy ladies defeated their opponents by double digit votes and now they have their eyes set on each other. (insert porn music here) Biel or Brewster? Brewster or Biel? This is so tough we think we are going to have to stare at sexy pictures of them until we become so mind f*cked that our zombie selves actually make this call. Brains….hungry for brains!!!!!

Models Bracket

1. Marissa Miller vs 8. Keeley Hazell

We aint gonna lie. This matchup makes us super horny! Our California girl vs the nicest sets of boobs in merry old Angland. Why oh why does this have to be fought out on paper!!?? Keeley struggled a bit in her matchup against Brooklyn Decker-Roddick (sounds like a turnpike doesn’t it?) and Marissa isn’t playing around. She took out her competition by 12 votes and has her eyes set on Keeley to move on to the next round. Is it Miller Time or do big boobs and a sexy Brit accent win out?

2. Adriana Lima vs 7. Joanna Krupa

No surprises here. We figured these two would meet up and allow us to showcase more sexy photos of themselves. Lima was all over her competition from the start and Joanna proves that Polish people may not be smart, but they can be very sexy. Both ladies seemed very comfortable in their Round 1 matches, but don’t be fooled to think Round 2 won’t get sexier and dirtier. Lima vs Krupa could prove to be one for the ages like Ali vs Frazier, Yanks vs Bosox or Sam vs Diane.

3. Bar Refaeli vs 11. Petra Nemcova

The Israeli Rafaeli had a bigger scare in Round 1 then a Jewish banker misplacing his precious Jew gold. Escaping by 1 point, Bar moves on to face our tsunami survivor Nemcova who survived a very similar onslaught from Karolina Kurkova. Kurkova started off strong but proved no match for the Czech beauty who advances by a margin of 8 votes. Upset indeed. We were told that Nemcova has some German ancestry, so this one could be a gas!

5. Miranda Kerr vs 13. Marta Krupa

We knew it wasn’t fair. A relatively unknown Kelly Brooke vs Miranda Kerr in a babe bracket. That’s like putting McLovin in the ring with Brock Lesnar. Oh well, Miranda lived up to the hype and acquired the greatest margin of victory by 14 votes over the busty Brit. However, Miranda better keep her cute dimples fixated on the upset queen, Marta Krupa. Feeling a bit overshadowed by her sister Joanna’s success, Marta reels off a surprising win over the lovely Alessandra Ambrosio. Now she’s got her upset minded claws fixated on Miranda Kerr and a shot at the Miller/Hazell winner. Is it possible we could have an Elite Eight with two sisters battling for a Final Four berth!? Kerr, we’re sure, has something very cute to say about that.

TV and Sports Region, Round 2

Hey there, remember us!? We apologize for the technical difficulties the past few weeks, but never fear, After our little Hiatus, the Babe Bracket Round 2 is here. This time around we are giving you double the pleasure and double the fun. Two categories, TV and Sports, to vote on. But before we do that...

Results from the Model Round:

Marissa Miller stomped the bloody hell out if little miss Abbey Clancy .. Miller by 12

Adriana showed newcome Doutzen that guys do like experience. Lima by 8

In the closest race of the round, and in spite of hatred for Leo, Bar takes down Misa. My penis got sad for a little bit. Rafaeli by 1

The Super Krupa troopas push Marta past Alessandra. Marta Krupa by 2

Kelly Brook was no match for the hotness of Miranda Kerr. Kerr by 14

In our second upset of this round, Petra takes down Karolina in the battle of the girls with russian sounding names. Nemcova by 8

Krupa power dominates again, Though Praver plays her tough. Joanna Krupa by 4

The mighty mammaries that are Keeley Hazell tear up Brooklyn. Keeley by 2.


And, now folks, we bring you not 1, but 2 regions of voting. Oh and if you are scoring at home, the bracket is attached.
As always, email me your votes, and get them to me by Tuesday. That's a full week... you guys can handle that.

First, the TV round.


1. Olivia Wilde vs 8. Sophia Bush



It’s a Wilde Bush matchup and we are a little scared. Guess it was reading (ogling) those 70’s and 80’s Playboys where the girls had something down low that resembled the gopher from Caddyshack. (insert favorite Caddyshack quote here) Olivia had a bit of scare in the first round only winning by 7 votes. Not too strong for a #1 seed. Let’s see what lovely Sophia can do to our #1 seed this week. She’s definitely got the looks, but will her lack of lesbian characters be enough to deny Olivia advancement to the Sweet 16? Only your votes will tell.



2. Julianne Hough vs 7. Minka Kelly



What better dirty old man fantasy than to have to choose between a dancer and a cheerleader? ... Well besides having them both of course... Julianne danced all over her competition in winning by 15 votes!! However her competition, Minka Kelly, also dispatched of her matchup by 15 votes as well!! So let it be written, so let it be told. The matchup of the biggest victory margins shall face off in Round 2. Julianne is still our young, hot blonde that seems to perspire with virgin sweat. (not really sure what that means, but it sounds naughty) Minka on the other hand is dating Derek Jeter and since he’s gay, she’s probably a virgin as well. So let’s just say this is the matchup of The Virgins. Which one will have her cherry popped and move on to the next round?


3. Maria Menounous vs 11. Summer Glau



Maria has moved on and we couldn’t be more pleased. She’s still our #1 entertainment correspondent and is way sexier than that chick Ryan Seacrest. She will have her hands full with our lovely Terminator cyborg from the future, Summer Glau. Summer had one of the biggest upsets of the bracket by dispatching the Gossip Girl Meister by 3 votes. Of course she did tell us that she’d be back and we probably should have believed her... She's young, smoking hot and is very flexible. We’re going to call this matchup the Sissies (Entertainment News Junkies) vs the Fanboys(Guys that know when Comic-Con is).



4. Emmanuelle Chirqui vs 5 Hayden Pantierre




We have to be honest. This matchup makes our pubes stand straight up. In one corner you’ve got the sultry, exotic looking Emmanuelle that demolished her competition by 10 votes. In the other corner is Hayden, so popular now that all you have to do is say her first name and everyone knows exactly who you are talking about. Even though Hayden had a tough time dispatching her 1^st round opponent (she won by 1 vote) we are certain that this matchup will be close. It’s a classic 4 vs 5 matchup. The hot girl from Entourage vs the hot cheerleader from Heroes. Let the votes begin!!!!


Next the Sports Round

1. Anna Kournikova vs 8. Victoria Vanucci



Our Sports #1 seed reigns supreme and goes game, set, match against the golfer Rawson winning by 12 votes. Her next match may be a bit tougher with Vanucci’s Vavooms strutting their way to Centre Court. We think this one would be better fought in the showers with cameras a rolling. Sigh. But for now it’s being fought out in Round 2 of the Babe Bracket.


3. Ana Paula Mancino vs 6. Bia and Branca Feres



Poor Mancino. She’s so sexy, but unfortunately she draws the twins in the second round. Is this one even going to be close? Don’t get us wrong, Mancino can volley our balls anytime she pleases, but going up against the twins may be too much for the blonde bombshell to handle. Much like our balls. And the twins….well they are hot twins. On to the next matchup!


4. Erin Andrews vs 5. Allison Stokke



Erin Andrews is old enough to be Allison’s Stokke’s very hot older sister. What does that mean? Nothing. Anyway, both ladies slayed their way to Round #2 by demolishing their competition and are now matched up in a very intriguing battle for the Sweet 16. This will probably have many of our voters scratching their receding hairlines trying to decide who to cast their vote for. Sexy sideline reporter who is naked on the net? Or sexy track girl that really knows how to grip a pole? Decisions, decisions.


7. Maria Sharapova vs 15. Anna Semenovich



This matchup comes straight From Russia with love, so break out the vodka. Our favorite Maria wins her 1^st match by 12, but now faces the deadly big busted figure skater Semenovich. Semenovich’s victory proved one thing. Guys would rather have a girl with big hooters than one that looks like a 14 year old girl. Now that the FBI is no longer watching this list, let’s get back to those sexy Commies. Maria will have her hands full with Semen-ovich (tee-hee), but we’re thinking the leggy blonde is ready for the challenge. Let the votes determine which Ruskie moves on and which one goes and stands in the bread line.